lady_organa: (Default)
Awhile ago I bought this book on antidepressants. The title is Coming of Age on Zoloft and it's by Katherine Sharpe. I started reading it again today because of what happened this morning and I think I really needed it. I empathize with a lot of it especially the parts where the interviewees are talking about a diagnosis being a label. I especially agree with the fact that it makes you feel like a part of group and the feeling that you aren't alone and that there are others out there who know how you feel. So if you've ever taken an antidepressant of any kind I really rec this book. I'm only about 100 pages in but it's really therapeutic to read.

When I woke up I went and took a bath and I started reading this book on interviews with author. It's one of the Paris Review books. I had thought I ordered the women's writers one but I didn't. But the interview I read was with P.G. Wodehouse who's name I vaguely recognized but I did recognize the character Jeeves at least from that AskJeeves search engine.

I've just finished reading another interview. This one. I've never read any of her stuff but I would very much like to now. I love reading interviews of any kind really but especially about other authors and with artists. I like getting into a person's mind and their thought processes.

I listened to Lorde's album streaming the other day and I've just thought to think of looking for it on Spotify. I knew it was coming out but I wasn't sure when exactly. I really like 400 Lux.

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lady_organa: (Default)
Hey you guys. My sleep schedule has been out of whack lately. I mean normally I sleep during the day but I keep falling asleep in the afternoon. Now I'm up at night as usual, but I still feel tired in the body that I don't want to sit up at the desk. Wtf? I've been taking my iron regularly and I'm drinking orange juice to give myself more Vitamin C so what's up?

Have you guys heard of Course Open Ware? Apparently this a thing where they share the course materials of various courses and disciplines for free and I am just now discovering this is a thing? Fucking ace man! I've already found some women's studies courses but I haven't down and pursued them yet.

Yesterday I went through several budget lists to find a simple enough budget sheet to help me stay in control of my finances. I think the one I'm using is from a pearl site or something? I know it had pearl in the name.

Ellie Goulding is putting out a deluxe edition of Halcyon and I want that shit so bad, but the price on Amazon for the mp3 is 18.99. Now see that's not too much but I allotted myself 20 dollars for music and I want to buy the K Michelle album when my check comes. But I fucking love Ellie and the moment I heard 'You My Everything' on Skins I fucking died. I love her music man. Idk maybe I'll just listen to it on Spotify until October.

There are a lot of books (ebooks) that I want to read. A lot of them have similar themes. So what I've decided with myself is that I will buy one book a theme and save the others for another time instead of buying all of them and not having enough money for other books.

I am really enjoying this book I'm reading. It's been a hot minute so I read a paranormal but I am really fucking enjoying this mofo.

Hair wise I don't regret cutting my hair but I haven't found a way to wear it that I'm satisfied with. I've been wearing turbans for the past few days off and on haha.

So Ben Affleck is the next Batman. Might I ask why we need a new Batman this soon? Seriously wtf? I'm not really THAT pissed over the casting as I am over bringing in another Batman so damn soon. I mean shit TDKR was last fucking year! How long was it between Batman Begins and the previous Batman movie? Somebody count that shit.

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lady_organa: (Default)
Hey you guys I was just looking at my records. My mom has almost saved everything from when I was in school and my hospital discharge forms and what not.

I wanted to confirm that I was actually diagnosed with with Borderline Personality and I was on the Axis II.

I was looking at my report cards and progress reports and man you guys they were up and fucking down. One period I had an A, but then the next period I had an F and so on. I can see on my progress report that I must have really been checked out because I didn't complete a lot of work but the stuff I did complete were pretty okay but I didn't do a lot of them. I was a fucking mess in HS it seems. I already knew this, but I didn't know that I didn't even attempt to do a lot of work. Shit that period in my life was rough.

But anyway yay I looked over that for awhile. I'm thinking about changing my mental health provider so I can get treated for the Borderline since it seems to be flaring up a lot. I've been thinking about working on my own as well. I haven't decided yet.

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lady_organa: (Default)
Hey you guys! While I was up last night I did my usual late night read through of the Wiki. I was looking at mental health articles and I came across the dissociative one and wow I never really realized that I have symptoms of that.

In 2009 I relapsed and had another manic episode after taking a bad medicine. Okay guys when I say that I still cannot to this day remember what happened from roughly Feb 2009 and late September 2009 I am not lying. I remember bits and pieces but that whole year is extremely fuzzy for me. Like when I went into the hospital I remember reading my poetry book but I don't remember them taking me in. I remember lying in a bed on the third floor and I remember keeling over in the hall but I can't remember how I got up to the tenth floor and I don't remember any of the first week I was there. I only remember the second week.

It's gotten better since then but I have moments when I tune out. I do it often when I'm on the phone. That's a lot milder than the above, but yeah I was just noticing that and I didn't realize there was a name for that.

So that's the latest about my mental health haha.

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lady_organa: (Default)
So I didn't talk about my assessment.

I think we talked about an hour. She asked me a lot of questions and did a memory test.

I think the thing that stood out to me the most was that she asked me how to describe what mania feels like to me. And while I know the general symptoms I couldn't really figure out exactly how to describe it.

One of the main things that I feel when I'm manic is how I described to her as heated. I don't know exactly what I meant about that. I still don't to be honest.

When I'm manic I can't really think straight. I told her about the racing thoughts. I have a short attention span naturally but when I'm manic it's like that but like I move from things after about six seconds. I think about all the things I can do. Oh what's that? I can do that. Ooh that looks interesting I'll do that.

I still can't figure out what the heated part means though but I associate that with my mania. Perhaps I mean it as higher. Perhaps it could mean it could mean my temperature. But I also feel the same way when I'm manic. Ever since 2006 when I had my first episode.

So yeah we talked about. We talked about my daily life and other general things. My mom kept badgering me to tell her what she asked me since I took so long. I was kinda of irritated because I wasn't feel very comfortable at the time and the doctor did ask me about my home life. I'm not going to mince words here but my mom used to be...a lot more mean and just generally cruel while I was growing up. Like I'm going to let you draw your own conclusions but the Astrid/Ingrid relationship in White Oleander was very similar to ours. So much to the point that the line and I'm paraphrasing: Even though she the most dangerous person I belonged she was were I last felt at home really resonated with me. So yeah.

And I'm not saying my mom is a murderer okay? So get that out your heads :P

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lady_organa: (Default)
Hi guys! I'm back from shopping. I got a few things. I bought a lipstick. It's more orange than reddish orange. I tried it on when I got home. I like how it looks. I thought it'd look brighter haha.

The security guard at the Walmart has a crush on my mom. He said "She's gorgeous!" Lmao my mom has always had men falling over her. She's about to be sixty and I don't see that changing anytime soon.

I ordered some of the books for the online courses I'm taking. I have about three more. I could get the ebooks free, but I wanted to have hard copies.

I bought some music too and I renewed my Netflix account.

When my mom asked the pharmacy about my birth control they said I didn't have any refills. I was like huh? So we got home and my mom found the prescriptions with the refills on it XD I'm going to pick them up on the 3rd.

So that's how today has went so far. We're eating chicken for dinner. I might play TS3 today as well since I was itching to this morning haha.

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lady_organa: (Default)
Hello guys!

I've been feeling better. My stomach pain has eased up. I've been sleeping all day because the pain kept me up last night and I was having trouble breathing, but everything seems to be fine for the moment. I just had a cup of orange juice and I don't feel as sluggish as I did just an hour ago.

I was reading some of the blogs on my Wordpress account yesterday and I saw one questioning whether superheroes are the new gods. I don't have an particular thoughts on that per se, but I noticed that on the article comments there were a lot of men complaining about the author's thoughts on sexism in the genre.

I noticed that some men seem to have a knee jerk reaction to claims of sexism. I thought the author had a point, you know? But a lot of the commenters we're missing that.

Anyway I just read this article on women in science fiction. Now you guys know I love a good romance novel. Why is it that that romance is seen as inherently bad thing?

Idk. I'm still smarting from my niece dissing my choice of reading. She told me I read nasty books. LMAO really? I have to wonder who taught her that.

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lady_organa: (Default)
Hello guys!

My mom went out and got my prescriptions today. I count myself lucky that I hesitated to spend a bigger portion of my check because the medicine came up to $22. Usually my meds are $6 tops.

I took the iron and vitamin C tablet when she got home. I immediately felt myself pep up as I had been yawning since I had woken when I heard her come in the door.

Right now I'm looking through the different modding tutorials for Sims 3. Modding for TS3 makes a lot more sense to me than it did in TS2. I'm still working on different CC, but I like to try anything once haha. I still need to finish making a mesh. I messed up on TS2 dress I was doing last week or so. I only seem to get motivated to do meshing during the night when my mind might not be as sharp.

So that is what's happening atm. My mom also bought me some sorely needing nightgowns. It's weird I'm remembering my ex boyfriend's scent. I used to love to snuggle up to his chest and just sniff him haha. It was soothing.

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lady_organa: (holly alto)

The graphics are amazing in TS3 on this computer! I didn't play too much, but I wanted to check to see if I could load up my family. A few things were off like Michael Alto being bald and some patterns missing in the kids' bedrooms AND baby Ruth was literally under the house. Aaron got stuck, but someone said quitting the game will return stuck sims back to normal, so I'm hoping that'll be alright.

You can see some pictures on my simblr. I've also got some new pictures of TS2.

I'm still getting weird cravings. Now I want chalk...Wtf? But other than that things are okay. It's been raining here.

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lady_organa: (Default)
Hello fair people!

I'm feeling much better today. My mom realized that I had been missing some dosages of my meds, so she's been bullying me into taking them haha. She's right though. I feel so much better, even after just three days.

I've been going back and forth with reading. I can't pick just one. Just yesterday I started Loving Lady Marcia. A few days before that I started the Anne Boleyn biography and I still haven't finished the Gathering Storm. I guess you could say I'm kind of restless. I'm sure things will get back on track, but for the moment I'm going to enjoy myself.

Today is my BFF Ash's 22 birthday! I'm planning on sending her a gift card, I would have sent it earlier, but I forgot to do it what with my focusing on the TS3 EP coming out. Horrible I know. I'm a horrible friend, but she loves me and that is all that matters in the end haha.

How are you guys? Anything exciting happen? How were your weekends?

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lady_organa: (Default)
Let's see how today went:

I went to bed at 10 last night as I had been up for 22 hours and I couldn't stand to stay up any longer. I woke up briefly only to fall back asleep.

I woke up this morning and felt so much better. I'm a little fuzzy on what I did now, but I stayed up through the morning. Around 1 pm, I thought: Let's play 3, why the fuck not? It's not a hard fast rule that you have to play in the evening. So I fired up the game.

While I waited for the Alto house to load, I laid down and fell asleep. I'm not sure how long, but maybe 10 minutes? By the time I woke up it was done and though Vita and Holly's needs were a little low, it was nothing like with the Crumplebottom sisters. Vita always seems to be low, so idk. Holly got invited to a graduation party by her friend Bebe and I changed her swimsuit, but when the time came and I clicked the little pop up, she still wouldn't go. So I decided to switch over to the Hart household since I had never played them.

And Gus was a fucking fairy? Like I clicked on him and he fucking had wings. What the fuck Story Progression? Plus the whole family was at the school instead of at a pool or whatever. I made them go home and guess what? All Bebe's guests were there including Holly in the swimsuit I put on her. WTF?

So I said whatever. I gave Bebe a makeover and it made me realize that I need more ethnic hairstyles as Bebe's original hairstyle was braids and I like to keep the hairstyles close to their original hair. I'm going to have to find some for Sims 3.

Oh and I finally got Holly into the Singer profession. Her stage name is Holly Day.

Mama Cradie went and got us some burgers today and I had that for lunch. Oh and my appointment yesterday went well, though I didn't get weighed. I'm going to have to buy a scale so I can weigh myself at home because our old one is kind of...interesting let's say.

I wrote a bit. I'm going to try to write another 250 words so I can have at least 500 words today. So far this month I've written 5,000 words, which is rather low for me.

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lady_organa: (padme 1)
Hey guys. I have an appointment at the Mental Health Center today, so I'm up early. Of course I didn't go to sleep after 12 am because I had slept like eight hours before and thus missed my Monday shows, but I'll try to catch up to them.

I've written 708 words today. I did play the Sims, but the first one, which was fun and brought on a wave of nostalgia. I remember things from that game so clearly like you wouldn't believe and I finally have CC for the first game. I made a Sim with some custom stuff and moved her in. I just like to look at her.

I started working on my website again and debated adding another section to it, but I'm not sure. I need finish doing it since I've been working on it since Dec.

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lady_organa: (Default)
Why in the fuck does the Sim 3 game take so fucking long to shut fully down? I'm talking about the whole screen gone and I can see my desktop. I play in a windowed mode, so I can see my taskbar and the last time this happened and I used the Task Manager it saved plus I saved the house before hand and then made a Sim, so I guess I could shut it down myself but fuck man. But at least the game is running faster.

I've been playing The Sims 2 as well. I would have never thought this game would load fast for me. Of course it did when I first played it and didn't have tons of downloads loading it down, but shit it runs really fast with about 1 GB downloaded.

And you know what I even downloaded a skin or two for TS1. It was from TSR and I haven't unpacked them and I don't know what the hell I'm even going to do with them, but you have to understand the mindset of the twelve year old girl that lives inside of me. She never got to experience the wonder of custom content until mid 2005 when she got the internet at home for the first time. Before that she would go to the library and check the main site and see all the stories with long hair and ask herself "How the fuck can I get that?" and now I have the internet and I have an alright connection, so I won't deny her anything.

Yeah that may be a bit over-dramatic, but I'm not going to argue with my inner twelve year old.

I'm going to the Women's Clinic tomorrow, so I'll have to get into bed soon. I'm not sure when my appointment is but they still take forever to see you even when you do have an appointment because seriously that place is packed. I went this time in 2011, so I'm way overdue and I'm really not looking forward to getting probed because eh...that shit hurts man.

Oh and once more for the Sims. I have a few makeover pictures. The one I'm most proud of is Holly Alto. She's a really pretty Sim and she's good, I had her donate to a charity which is fun!

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September 2016

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