(no subject)

So I didn't talk about my assessment.

I think we talked about an hour. She asked me a lot of questions and did a memory test.

I think the thing that stood out to me the most was that she asked me how to describe what mania feels like to me. And while I know the general symptoms I couldn't really figure out exactly how to describe it.

One of the main things that I feel when I'm manic is how I described to her as heated. I don't know exactly what I meant about that. I still don't to be honest.

When I'm manic I can't really think straight. I told her about the racing thoughts. I have a short attention span naturally but when I'm manic it's like that but like I move from things after about six seconds. I think about all the things I can do. Oh what's that? I can do that. Ooh that looks interesting I'll do that.

I still can't figure out what the heated part means though but I associate that with my mania. Perhaps I mean it as higher. Perhaps it could mean it could mean my temperature. But I also feel the same way when I'm manic. Ever since 2006 when I had my first episode.

So yeah we talked about. We talked about my daily life and other general things. My mom kept badgering me to tell her what she asked me since I took so long. I was kinda of irritated because I wasn't feel very comfortable at the time and the doctor did ask me about my home life. I'm not going to mince words here but my mom used to be...a lot more mean and just generally cruel while I was growing up. Like I'm going to let you draw your own conclusions but the Astrid/Ingrid relationship in White Oleander was very similar to ours. So much to the point that the line and I'm paraphrasing: Even though she the most dangerous person I belonged she was were I last felt at home really resonated with me. So yeah.

And I'm not saying my mom is a murderer okay? So get that out your heads :P

This entry can also be found on DW at: http://leia-solo.dreamwidth.org/326310.html

(no subject)

Hey you guys I've been listening to these two sounds really heavily.

I started out the day with V.S.O.P. and ended it with Replay haha

This entry can also be found on DW at: http://leia-solo.dreamwidth.org/327070.html

(no subject)

Hey you guys! While I was up last night I did my usual late night read through of the Wiki. I was looking at mental health articles and I came across the dissociative one and wow I never really realized that I have symptoms of that.

In 2009 I relapsed and had another manic episode after taking a bad medicine. Okay guys when I say that I still cannot to this day remember what happened from roughly Feb 2009 and late September 2009 I am not lying. I remember bits and pieces but that whole year is extremely fuzzy for me. Like when I went into the hospital I remember reading my poetry book but I don't remember them taking me in. I remember lying in a bed on the third floor and I remember keeling over in the hall but I can't remember how I got up to the tenth floor and I don't remember any of the first week I was there. I only remember the second week.

It's gotten better since then but I have moments when I tune out. I do it often when I'm on the phone. That's a lot milder than the above, but yeah I was just noticing that and I didn't realize there was a name for that.

So that's the latest about my mental health haha.

This entry can also be found on DW at: http://leia-solo.dreamwidth.org/327645.html

Linkage

Okay I have some links for you guys!

Black Past is an online encyclopedia focusing on African Americans. I've been looking through it for about thirty minutes.

Black Facts has a lot of facts about Black people. I'm not completely sure if the focus in only on AA but I did see something about an African queen called Amina so I'm leaning against no.

African Studies page from the University of Pennsylvania. Links to the different countries of Africa and leads to more link on the country page.

Internet History Sourcebook for Africa Lots of links to the stuff on the various countries in Africa with different sections for different era. The site in general is pretty good.

Africana Archive for Freedmen which has a lot of information about freedpersons and slaves and different things. I need to keep this in mind when I start doing my own family tree.

And these links are for free ebooks and what not.

20 Best Websites for Free Ebooks Part I

20 Best Websites for Free Ebooks Part II

This entry can also be found on DW at: http://leia-solo.dreamwidth.org/327744.html